Things I learned this week #4
I know it should be the rule that as soon as you get a publishing contract all the anxieties of writing evaporate. But it just isn't so. I sent the last draft to my editor 17 days and 5 hours ago (not that I'm counting) and since then I've felt myself sinking into a bit of a malaise. To try and stay focused I've dabbled with a rough edit of a book trailer; I've poked here and there at my map, hell, I've even made a new test book cover all in the vain attempt to keep the momentum alive. But slowly, slowly, the fears creep back.
What if the book doesn't sell? What if my publisher realises the book is terrible and dissolves my contract? What if they decide the publishing industry is failed and they close down business all together?
And around and around it goes.
So that brings me to perhaps my all time favorite childhood movie. Up there with Flash (ahhh ahhhh) Gordon, The Last Starfighter and the Princess Bride. And that is, of course, the Neverending Story.
So just what was neverending about it, some may well ask? I think it should be obvious by now. Despair is the never-ending threat to all protagonists. Once all the dragons are dead and all the evil Witches and Warlocks slain, there will still be the fears inside us. Even an awesome horse and young chosen one can succumb to its clutches right at the peak of their quest -- even right after a montage of adventure and action. That pivotal scene (which is still almost impossible for me to watch as a 30 something adult) is a wonderful bit of narrative foreshadowing. The Swamps of Sadness are in every way a tiny piece of what the threat of The Nothing represents. There are no fire spurts, no lightning sand, not even an ROUS to attack our hero. Just a swamp that will suck you down as soon as it senses that you have doubt in your heart.
I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure the first time I was able to actually watch that scene through to the end, I was yelling at Artax along with Atreyu and Bastian to stay positive.
This is real life though. It's not a story and no amount of shouting makes one iota of difference at 3am in the morning when the windmills of doubt are creaking in my mind.
But then I discovered today what does: Gardening.
I finally pulled myself away from the screen and began to prune the roses. Then I ripped out 6 months of weeds and 2 years worth of overgrown passionfruit. Finally I attacked the massive pile of vines and grass with the lawnmower. Afterwards, all that was left on the lawn was a fine spread of mulch, and all that was left in my heart was the satisfaction of conquest. Fuck you, self doubt.
And sure enough, when I got back inside, there was an email from my editor, telling me the reason this draft was taking so long.
But that is another story.
You don't have to tell me twice about the importance of staying positive.
ReplyDeleteSelf-doubt is a given when you're a writer. I will buy your book. Then you can't say it didn't sell...^-^.... The publishing business is not going anywhere. So...does the cover look cool?
No you do not like Flash Gordon ("these things called tears flow from my eyes" I loved the evil princess, and The Last Starfighter (I wanted to be picked up by aliens so badly), and Neverending Story? (Flying dogs..way cool.) I love those movies. I lost count as to how many times I watched them as a kid. The Nothing breaks my heart each time. Yup that was me..."Atreo, do something!"
I'm glad pruning your roses helps. I adore roses, specially my Don Juan, but I let hubby prune them...keeps him busy while I write.
Quit doubting yourself. You're doing fine.
Hey, thanks for hooking me up with the Google+ business. I actually think it has the potential to be a game changer.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go out on a limb and say that the Princess Bride isn't that great a film, and is one where the gulf between the book and the vision is bigger than most. Having said that I came to the Princess Bride later than most and so maybe I was already the hard bitten cynic by then. Mildly on topic though, have you ever seen Dinner with Andre?
Yeah, I've seen Dinner with Andre, but when I was perhaps too young to appreciate it in the same way that you were too old perhaps for Princess Bride. No worries about about google+ hopefully it is the best bits of facebook and linked in with none of the game bloat and spam. I like the circles metaphor, as well as the twitter like ability to follow certain people.
ReplyDeleteLOVED that movie! The Neverending Story that is. Great post!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, there's something for you over on my blog.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Lisa. Needed a pick-me-up today.
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